Keeping it real.....

Thanks to some great editing software and the ability to upload only carefully selected pictures, it can often appear that life is perfect.  And that is what we want right?  Rarely do we ever post pictures of the mess in our lives or the chaos in our homes.  But life isn't perfect and reality is messy.  As November quickly comes to a close I am thankful for a full month of messy, crazy, chaotic days with sprinklings of amazing, beautiful and perfect moments! 

So, let's be real....

Here is our pretty picture of the kids with their carefully carved pumpkins all happy and smiling.  

Reality is that we carved pumpkins on November 19th (much to Ashley's frustration).  And long before these pictured smiles were the shrill shrieks of a four year old who thought sticking hands in pumpkins was "YUCKY!!".  Travis, the ever independent one, learned thru the school of hard knocks that what you draw cannot always be carved (yes...mom and dad tried to explain but sometimes that school of hard knocks is the best education ever!) And Toby went from screaming yucky to attempting to pick up every carving tool known to man.  

November also meant our first family pictures taken by our sweet friend Heather at the local park. Here is my favorite picture (some of you may see this one again closer to Christmas).  

Reality was quite different than this beautiful picture!  It was a chilly day and Toby is already having trouble getting used to our environment....which is a nice way to say I carried a bag with boogie wipes and tissues to clean up the yuck.  Heather would start with Ash and I to check the scene and get my mop of hair situated, then we would call in mr. statue (aka Travis) and Todd would come flying in after corralling Toby for a quick tissue wipe and a smile.  Immediately after the shutter clicked Toby was off exploring again.  Whew!  Just as we all got situated for a picture and just before the shutter clicked we all heard a noise and Toby froze....a train!  A real live train which meant all pictures stopped and we got to see a train up close for the first time.  So thankful Heather was patient with us.  Lol. 

November also brought our first overnight guests since Toby came home as Todd's parents came for Thanksgiving.  Toby thrives with routines but a wrench in that routine can be interesting.  Overall, he did really well.  We all did.  I think I was super sensitive trying to be ever cautious and try to stop anything before it got started.  Even though we have looked at pictures and talked all about them, Toby blank stared at them for the first day and a half.  We then moved to blank stare with a head nod.  By day 3 he was talking to them and by the time they left he was hugging them.  Since life is messy and I am scattered we do not have one single picture to show for our time together.  Good job mom! 

These past two months have been amazing.  All of the kids have grown so much and truly enjoy each other which makes our hearts swell.  I have learned that I can get frustrated faster than I ever thought possible yet children do too and together we have learned forgiveness is a beautiful thing.  Our beautiful moments have been things like three generation bike rides, baking and icing cookies with grandma, movie nights all snuggled on the couch, hikes at line creek, countless scooter races, volleyball lessons, family dinners and my favorites:  hugs, kisses, cuddles and expressions of love.  ❤️❤️❤️

But, life is always perfect. And if you know me, you know I like to laugh.  And we certainly have had some funny moments also. Poor Toby is learning SO much but sometimes you just have to laugh at things.  There isn't anything else you can do.  

Travis rode the bus home last week (for the second time since Toby came home).  As we waited outside, the UPS guy came to deliver a package.  Toby thought it was a different bus and thought Travis was inside.  I tried to explain it but as the UPS driver walked back to the truck Toby was yelling for Travis.  Thankfully, the (real) bus pulled up and out came Travis.  That sweet UPS man has waved as us forever but left our driveway thinking we were nuts and couldn't drive away faster.  

Toby kept talking about seeing the sleeping deer.  He was SO excited (he loves animals).  It wasn't until the next day we realized it is a dead deer on the side of the road.  Today (day 3), he said "Deer really sleepy".  I just don't have the heart to tell him.  

(This is not for the faint of heart but might explain things if you see us in the next few weeks). Background is that Toby has not had the blessing of clean water so has had parasites and bowel issues.  Which means he basically never farted without being on the toilet.  If he did he would have an accident and he was terribly embarrassed.  We realized this when he came home.  If he said he needed to go...he meant it!  So...the first time Travis farted in the house.....Toby laughed like crazy.  Now that Toby is felling better, of course he has learned to fart. And loves it!  This mama is trying really hard to teach him where and when but today in the check out line he farted really loud and was SO proud of himself.  He cheered and giggled while the poor check out clerk had no idea what to do.  In less than 60 seconds I went from totally embarrassed to laughing along with him.  ((Sigh))

A popular phrase he came home saying was 'shake your booty'.  It is not a thing we run around saying in our house but he clearly loves it and nothing I do or say can seem to stop him.  He had not said it in a long time until this week.  We were in Walmart when a young black woman was walking around passing out candy.  She came up to him and asked if he wanted candy. (((Blank stare))) She politely smiled and as she turned to walk away Toby yelled (yes yelled) "Shake your booty".  If only you could have seen the look she gave me as she basically ran away.  

Toby is full of sweet endearments and tells me (all of us actually) that he loves us a thousand times a day.  It is so sweet...until you realize he also loves the trash can, a bath, farts, bugs, poo, and cookies.  It kind of takes the meaning out of the words.  

Speaking of bugs.....the kids were playing in the backyard/woods while I was working on the patio.  Toby ran up to show me something and was full of excitement.  I bent down to see and found a huge bug in between his fingers.  Without thought, I screamed.  Which made him jump and lose the bug.  It took me a long time to explain that some people like bugs and others do not.  Just because Ashley will catch and hold anything does NOT mean mommy will.  

When we picked up Travis yesterday he quickly showed us he lost a tooth while at school.  He was so proud.  He was trying to sweetly explain to Toby that he will lose teeth and then get new ones.  Toby started shaking his head, holding his teeth and saying "Toby's teeth no go bye bye".  We avoided tears but Toby touched his teeth the whole way home until it was forgotten with riding the scooter.  Oh the things that are hard to explain.

Well, that's us.  Keeping it real with the amazing and messy parts of life. Always loving the support we have received from family and friends.  Praying we all remain thankful for our blessings as we enter into this Christmas season.  I don't know about you but I am sure we will have more messy and amazing stories to tell.  

Six weeks home!

As I sit here to write a much overdo update, I am filled with a bunch of emotions.  The first one being how different this update will be vs the one I started one week ago.  You see, last week we were in the trenches so to speak.  This week, we have clawed our way up and are enjoying the peak again.  What a journey this thing called life really is!

When I watch Toby struggling with accepting new things while still clinging to the past, I think of God watching me do the very same things.  I am a girl that doesn't like change and everyone says I am a control freak (I call it being organized but whatever).  Lol.

All in all, everyone is doing really well.  Ashley and Travis adore Toby and they have a lot of fun together.  Ashley still likes to read books, play outside on the swings, watch movies and comb Toby's hair (which he loves).  Travis and Toby play all the time.  Toby is sad when Travis goes to school and cheers when it is time to pick him up.  Homework time is still one of our hardest times.  The older kids need some quiet, which does not go over well with Toby.  He wants my (and their) undivided attention.  I keep all of his 'table work' from puzzles, coloring, matching etc for him to work on while they do homework.  Like every good plan though, some days it works better than others.

This is day the plan worked well.  Lol

It is blurry but this is the daily greeting at school.

Toby is adjusting more and more each day.  We were told that 6 weeks to 2 months would really be a turning point.  Truer words have never been spoken.  At week 5 we were all exhausted and running on empty.  A good cry from most of us started a new outlook and improvements.  Toby began to accept the new routines instead of challenging them and things started to click.

When I can step back and look at things I can almost laugh (almost) but in the thick of it there is no laughing.  Toby had very little choices in his previous situation yet came home loving the choices all around him.  Yet, these new found favorites are often not to his timetable.  In other words, we cannot eat chips and pop tarts for every meal anymore than we can ride a scooter for every waking moment or take four baths a day.  It isn't life.  He has now accepted that those things will come in due corse and things are falling into place.

We still see (and will see for years to come) different coping techniques.  We see him attempt to hide into the background and become invisible as well as when he turns on the fake charm to get attention.  Kisses, hugs, looks and smiles can turn on in an instant but can turn off just as quickly.  It will take a long time for him to learn he will never be invisible with us and that charm doesn't change the circumstances.  Life lessons.  Ash and Trav learned them and so will Toby.

Last weekend I cried feeling like we were not making progress while this week I can see huge growth markers. I texted Todd early in the week a picture of Toby playing trains on the kitchen floor while I did dishes.  It was the first time!  He has begun to play with his airplane on his own and will race it from room to room.  It is huge!

He is fiercely independent while being totally insecure (figure that one out).  We had a set-back last week which was totally my fault and I have been paying for it ever since.  Travis, Toby and I left to go to Travis' soccer practice.  I left Ashley at home as Todd was about 5 mins away and he was taking her to buy new soccer cleats.  Sounds fine right?  Until you get down the road and realize that in Toby's eyes I left Ashley.  I left her.  His greatest fear just realized.  Oh.My.Word.  The little boy who would proudly run and put his own shoes on now clings and shrieks "Don't leave me" when he sees us getting things together.  Words mean nothing as he saw me leave Ashley.  Actions always trump words.  One week later and we are better.  Not back to where we were but better.  A situation I should have been prepared for but in the rush of getting everyone to the right place I never even considered how it would be interpreted.  A mistake I hope to avoid in the future.

Each week he speaks a little bit more about his time in Haiti and we slowly put the puzzle together.  Sometimes the pieces help clarify reactions and emotions while others remain a mystery.

Everyone tells me they love the Q&A but here is a different take and just some fun facts/thoughts:
-Learning on/off and open/close is a real thing and if you live near us and see flickering lights or opening/closing doors you know we have not mastered it yet.
-The hairdryer is the most exciting and yet equally terrifying thing ever.
-Suckers work great for keeping him still during a soccer game.
-Toby loves airplanes.  Loves!
-Those long legs are like a baby giraffe. When he learns to use them he will be a force!
-He is toughest kid I know yet HAS to have medicine and bandaids.  Seriously.  Bought 5 boxes of bandaids and two tubes of cream and we are almost out again.  Nightly we must add bandaids before bed.  He points to where he wants them, then happily puts on Jammie's and removes said bandaids first thing in the am.  (Remember to ask for them or you may find them somewhere you don't want them).
-Kleenex's are a first world luxury and a weird concept to get used it it appears.  Lol.
-Another first world luxury is flushing after going #1.  This might not be mastered for awhile.  (Much to Ashley's frustration)
-Warm is a new concept.  In reality, I think that most of his life he experienced warm.  I doubt he had ice or ice cold drinks any more than I expect he had super hot sponge baths.  Yet, his bath is still way cooler than I would ever sit in and his food cannot be even slightly warm or he is upset.
-He understands WAY more than you think he does.  Actually, he speaks great English and has not used Creole in weeks.
-Conversations in the car or at the dinner table are hysterical.  He wants to talk but doesn't know what to say.  And he cannot stand to have us talk.  So, he typically sings a little louder than we are talking.  It can become quite wild.  Everyone takes a turn talking about their day.  When it is his turn, it is usually something like "I like elephants or I like cow" which only makes the older kids giggle and leaves Toby thinking he is a comedian.
-No matter how much he practices he cannot say 'Oops'.  It comes out "Oosp" which makes everyone laugh like crazy.
-Toby experienced his first soccer tournament weekend and did very well! He learned to play between games and cheer for the girls during the games.
-He has experienced his first S'more and while wearing most of it, he thought it was 'yummy'.

Last night we had a small breakthrough in trust. We have worked for three weeks to get his hair cut.  He absolutely freaks out. Seriously.  To a whole new level.  We have been to the shop numerous times.  They give him suckers, talk with him, and spend forever trying all sorts of things, but go near his head and he freaks.  We have tried almost daily at home.  Travis has gotten his hair cut twice and Todd once.  All talking to Toby.  He has held the trimmers numerous times and knows they don't hurt but go near his head and all bets are off.  Last night though...it worked.  He wasn't super calm at first but with all of us together he agreed to try.  Of course, I have never cut hair like his before but we did it.  It isn't as good as it would be by someone else but it is done and he was laughing afterwards.  Today he keeps telling me he likes his haircut.  Progress!!  Trust is a hard thing.  It is hard to watch him struggle but great to see him when he conquers a fear.  We do not want to pressure him into obeying as much as we want him to conquer fears!  A much longer process but worth every minute.

First haircut at home.

As I walked across the soccer field on Saturday with my mom to congratulate Ashley on another win, Toby ran in front of us yelling "Daddy".  They held hands and laughed together.....and I cried.  A beautiful picture.