“So, how are you really doing?” That’s the most commonly asked question we
get. But what do they mean? Do they
really want me to stand there and give them all the details of what I am
feeling? Probably not! It’s just a polite way to acknowledge that
they are concerned about us. For those
of you wondering (especially since I have been pretty quiet lately on the blog
front) we are well. I am able to go out
in public and get most things done without falling apart. : ) But let me tell
you what did happen and how most of you had an impact whether you knew it or
not.
The emotional roller
coaster is just unbelievable throughout this entire process. We came home so excited to see Ashley and
Travis, yet devastated to leave Oberson in Haiti. There’s a guilt that comes with seemingly
going about your life while your little one is in another country. All those higher-than-highs and
lower-than-lows can lead to one grumpy mama.
I was sleeping little and getting even less accomplished at home in
those first few days. It was a time that
I almost couldn’t pray. I was beyond the
words at that moment. It was a fall-at-His-feet type of time and I know my God
understood! He is my Father and I felt
like He was holding me in my hardest time.
I could cry out and He understood and I could read of His promises. My desires didn’t need to be spoken…He knew
my heart…He knew my prayer.
That first Sunday came and I
wanted nothing more than to be in our home worship service with the music and
to soak in His promises from our pastor, yet I begged Todd not to go to
church. I didn’t want to see the people. Todd was shocked! Weren’t these the very people that have been
so supportive? Yes! But, how could I
face them when I could hardly talk, had no answers, and couldn’t put a smile on
my face?
I learned something on a
different level that day. I experienced
the Body of Christ in a new way. As I
walked into church that day I was not greeted with questions or people wanting
smiles, instead I was greeted with hugs, friends and tears from people who
understood and those that were walking this journey with me. I sat in church and Sunday School with my
husband on one side and friends on the other feeling the full support of our
friends. On that day, I felt the hands,
hugs and tears of Christ through my friends.
It was the Body of Christ coming together to love on someone and I was
touched in a way I can’t explain. I pray
that I have been that person to someone else over the years and that I will do
that for others in the years to come. I
see anew how God intended us to work together and love each other. The Body of Christ (my friends and family) was
better than any therapy session I could have ever had!
How are we doing now? Oh we are getting by! I’m trying to plan the
nursery and every purchase we will need as soon as possible (nesting of course)
while Todd assures me we have plenty of time.
The children are getting excited
to help us shop and start to really see things come together and start to talk
about estimated timelines. In other
words…we are holding our own.
Someone asked me the other
day how I could be happy in the midst of all of this. I was kind of taken aback for a moment. If you see me with a smile, laughing,
giggling or having a great time please know that I am a joyful person. I do have joy! I am loved unconditionally, forgiven of my
sins, promised a new life forever, redeemed by a loving Savior, and yes I am
joyful!! Am I happy? Happiness is different than joy. No, I cannot say that I am happy that my son
lives in another country. I am not happy
that he does not know the love of a family yet we long to have him here. I am not happy that this process is way
longer than it ever should be. Joy in my
life and faith in my Heavenly Father to care for my son…..YES!
Do you ever want to hear a
word from God? This week He spoke to me
through a flower in my yard. Last fall,
the kids and I planted daffodils and hyacinths.
With all honesty, I will say that I haven’t done a thing to those bulbs
since I planted them. Nothing. Nada.
Yet, God watered and took care of them so that 5 months later they
produced beautiful blooms!! They were
gorgeous! I sat there and looked at them
and I felt like He was telling me that He is growing up Oberson too! I don’t need to do anything. He’s got Oberson in His hands and He’s got it
all under control. Thank you Jesus!
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| Oh how I miss this little guy! |
