Shearer Addition: 11 Months: The Honest (and hard to hear) truth

It was 11 months ago today that we left Haiti and returned to Georgia. The sound of his laugh and the feeling of his body in my arms is becoming a distant memory that I cling to every day. It is something that I will never (ever) be able to get back again. For even when we are reunited again, his laugh will have changed and he will have grown. Gone is my baby boy that I held last March and in his place is a toddler boy I have yet to meet! I stare at pictures and long for them to move and giggle so that I can begin to know this boy that is changing in front of me yet is out of my grasp! This is so very hard!
I have seen so many of you out and about in stores and restaurants and you have been so kind and I have been so lacking in my written updates. In the process, we are at the same place that we were when we flew out 11 months ago. In these months we made one step forward only to make a step back to our starting point but none the less we are here again waiting on signatures once again.
Let's be honest and answer your most asked questions:
Is it hard? Um...yes! We had expected him to be home by Christmas of '14 so times have been difficult. There are days I trust like I should, days I cry all day, and honestly, days that I am angry (no don't be like me...anger is not good but we are being honest here right?) Let me say it this way and see if it helps: think back to your child (or grandchild) one year ago...what were they like? Imagine not seeing them for an entire year? No facetime, No Skype. Just 12 pictures. You see them growing up before your eyes yet you can't touch them or go to them. Your child! How much did they change in that year? How much did you miss? That is how I feel. An immense sadness over what we have missed out on this past year. Is there a plan...Yes! Do I trust God's plan...Yes! Do I wish it was different...Yes! I trust God's plan and I know He will work it all for his glory but oh I am just so sad for all of the things that we have missed out on this past year. The things that only happen in a life of a 1-2 year old!
What are WE doing? We get asked this question a lot (A LOT!) Basically our hands our tied. We have contacted and talked to everyone that we can but there is nothing that we can do at this point. The delay is on the Haitian government side (we are waiting for government signatures in a third world country...there is no pushing them) therefore our government or senators cannot help at all. There is no such thing as a private adoption so we have a Power of Attorney with our agency/creche which means we cannot even show up in-country on our own behalf at the government offices to 'check on the status' (it wouldn't go over well at all we are told). We are also not allowed to contact the orphanage or visit him at all until the day we go to bring him home.
How are we handling it? Some days not very well if you must know the truth! I never realized how much of a control freak I was (my family says they have known all along!!) This process really shows how out of control we are and how we (especially as American's....or maybe it was just me??) want and expect answers right away! We pray for something and we want an answer in a few days, maybe a week at the most. Good grief it is an issue if we have to wait a month for something! Well, January marked three years in this process and we have many many months before we can even think about him coming home so this process has taught me a lot about waiting. I have read (and talked with the kids) about Moses and other people in the bible about waiting. How long did they wait? Was it easy? Is adoption easy? Is it supposed to be? When we knew we wanted to adopt we didn't go into it with a list that said 'well, we'll do it if it takes one year and it is super easy'. Um, no! No one does that! Any more than someone says they will have a baby if labor takes 20 minutes with zero pain. It isn't realistic. Just like we wouldn't say we aren't parents anymore because our kid hit a kid at preschool, failed a test in middle school or stayed out all night in high school. Parents are parents through the good and the bad. You don't accept the good and give up during the bad. So, to those that asked if we have given up on the adoption....Um...NO!
When will he be coming home? That is always the big question and the question we can't answer. We still have many many steps ahead in the process and we really haven't started any of them. We need to get signatures from Children's court (mayor & judge), IBESR, Civil court, Parquet, other offices and then visa's and passports printed. If each step took one month (that would be very fast) we would at least 7 months but some of those steps take many weeks themselves so we are still looking at an undetermined amount of time. Our family motto is "every day is a day closer to him coming home!". We are choosing to focus on the positive and not the negative. Let's pray through this current step and then we'll pray through the next one!
What can you do? Pray! For us, Oberson and the orphanage! While we sit here longing to hold, cuddle and play with him there is someone there that we pray is doing all of that! Pray for us as we long to do those things and pray for them as they do! Pray for the hearts of our children that God would continue to bind them together through this separation. Pray for our orphanage. This is so difficult on them as well. The delays in the process means fewer children go home, more children in their care and just a delay in the whole system. They recently moved the older children to a new location. It is beautiful! We saw it before it was finished. They had a very scary incident happen a few days ago but God's hand was upon them. I'll include links for you to read their words. Please pray for protection.
We appreciate your thoughts, prayers and words of encouragement! And to those that have stopped and said things to me in stores I am very grateful. If I cried .... I am sorry! :) I have appreciated the hugs and support more than you know!

1 John 3:1 How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!