Home Sweet Home...

     Aaaahhh……home. If you ever want to change things in your house, get frustrated with aspects of it or just aren’t sure if you like it anymore, I suggest you take a long trip because there is nothing that looks better than your home when you return.  It is comfort and it is wonderful.  Add to that kiddos and family and it is amazing!

     We did arrive home Monday night and enjoyed some precious, precious hours together.  Tuesday dawned very early with Todd leaving on a business trip and the kids having to go to school.  I enjoyed a day visiting with family while unpacking and sorting through mail etc.  

     Although our stay in Haiti was unlike truly living in a 3^rd world since we were spoiled, we did enjoy our 1^st world comforts when we returned.  We enjoyed showers without turning them off in the middle, a bed big enough that we can share, and of course my hairdryer. : )  But it does come with a cost of some guilt because after a trip like that you realize how those things are comfortable not necessary.  They are luxuries for sure. 

     Leaving Oberson was one of the hardest things we have ever done but God is faithful like always.  We have learned to pray specifically and one prayer we have had was for all of our hearts to be guarded from the enemy through our separation and that time would not have meaning for Oberson.  Our time apart may be 8 months but can feel like a week to him in his understanding.  Well, our last day with him we had two hours to share and I was a mess just walking in the door.  I didn’t think I could do it….give him back to his nanny.  The day before he had been cuddly (fell asleep with me) and didn’t want to go back to his nanny.  I didn’t know how I could handle that and prayed over and over for strength.  God gave him the happiest spirit that day and he was full of energy.  He didn’t want to cuddle….he wanted to play.  We spent our last day chasing balls, playing, chasing each other, tickling and just plain having fun together.  When it was time to go, he grabbed my shirt and didn’t want to go to his nanny.  I fell apart.  But by the time I got to the door his nanny called and he was waving.  Comfort.  God gives us what we need.

     For those that have said what we are doing is wrong or questioned why we could do such a thing to a child:  do you think we really wanted to do this?  Do you think any parent would willingly want to leave their baby behind?  Who would do that?  Not us that’s for sure.  This is an inter-county, government process and we do not make the rules.  Do we think that a two week process is in the best interest of a child?  We don’t but they do and we must obey their rules if we want to bring him home. Life is about choices and we can choose to see the negative or celebrate the positive.  We are celebrating the we got to spend two precious, dedicated and uninterrupted weeks with our baby.  We began to learn his personality and abilities and now we can better prepare for his homecoming.  What a blessing!  Will we be pepared?  Haha!  That’s funny!  We’ll try that’s for sure.  We were able to have all 3 kids facetime on our last day and it was precious.  That’s about all I can say about that right now. 

     Your messages, verses, notes, emails and cards mean the world to us.  In our times of anxiousness and worry we knew we had a remnant praying for us.  We could feel it and it is overwhelmingly powerful. 

     To sum it up, we are home but we are not together yet.  Soon…we pray~

It’s beautiful and ugly at the same time….is that possible?

      Here I sit on a balcony on a beautiful sunny afternoon with the island breeze blowing the palm and banana trees all around us.  We can hear the children playing next door, the occasional horn blow, and rooster  but otherwise just the rustling of leaves blowing in the wind. The sun shines in abundance yet it isn’t hot or unbearably humid but comfortable and perfect.  I have a headache and I wondered why?  It seems to be perfect so why would I have a headache?  Could it be that while I sit here I am still surrounded by poverty? Could it be that on this mountain there are countless (countless) people that may not eat dinner tonight? It’s mindblowing. 

     That doesn’t even begin the touch the turmoil going on in my heart.  Oh my heart.  Todd and I began this week more in love with a little boy than I really thought possible.  Yes, we knew he was our son.  But how would we feel when we saw him that first time?  Those first few days?   What would our connection be like?  Let me tell you…..he has captured our hearts!  We have watched him grow and transform right in front of us and it is amazing.  Just these two weeks he has already begun to open up and trust us, he has started walking much better, gotten better with his fine motor skills and started making eye contact and physical contact with us. 

     So where does the ugly part of this story come in?  Being the analytical people that we are (haha) Todd and I had decided that these last few days with Oberson we were going to start to step back.  We were going to be ‘glorified play partners’ if you could call it that.  We wanted the transition for him to be easier.  A two week trip (required by the Haitian government) is new and seems like it could be incredibly hard on the children.  We have watched him come out of his shell and we don’t want to see him retreat back into it again for the next 7-9 months until we can bring him home.  But guess what?  That isn’t what Oberson had in mind!  : )  He has decided that he doesn’t like that plan!  He has opened up, trusted us more, sat in our laps, given us kisses/hugs and started talking all in these last two days.  Oh.My.Goodness!  Be still my soul!  First he started saying Hi and we were the excited new parents taking video and being all crazy.  Then he started giving a high 5.  (yep, same reaction).  Today he started saying ‘da-da’.  (you can only imagine!). 

     What do we do from here?  There’s no telling this sweet boy who has decided to open his heart that we are leaving.  There’s no explaining it to him.  He won’t understand.  Yes we know children are incredibly resilient and that he doesn’t understand time….but we do.  We will know every single day we are apart.  Oh my. 

     We have two hours with him this afternoon (Friday), 3.5 hours with him on Saturday and 1.5 hours with him on Sunday (starting to break down the time) and that will be the end of our time with him until we return to bring him home. 

     I’m starting to pull out the ugly cry every time I drop him off.  It’s not getting better.  The beauty around me isn’t helping.  How many times have I said “my God will carry me though” and “my journey is hard” well yes my journey is hard and I will be waiting but the journey is hard for our son too!  He has no choice and that is hard to accept.  Children in orphanages (even ones getting great care like ours) are still in orphanages.  Many are in situations much worse.  Jesus please take care of these babies when we cannot!!  Pray for us friends….we are surrounded by beauty but it’s getting ugly.   

Pictures

You can tell two things about this post: 

1) My mother contacted me and said she wanted to see pictures!  "Yes mother".  : )

2) I have found a new collage app and I am having fun while bored and yet without wifi.  haha

Hope you like pictures....

Daddy throwing Oberson up in the air....he hated it at first but loves it now.

Hiding his favorite ball in his shirt.  Too funny to watch.  

Learning to ride a car.

Learning to ride on daddy's shoulders.  Again, hated at first but this was his first real smile!!

Cutest little brother ever!  Outfit compliments of Ashley & Travis! Way to go guys!  It fits great!
He is a huge hit every time he wears this outfit!  :)

Ok Ok Ok....after much questioning....and against my better judgement...some HAIR pictures...GASP!

This is how I got ready for church on Sunday morning. Yep...that's me in front of a fan.  As you can imagine....took awhile or this thick hair.  

Tried to tame the mop this day....the stranglers look like I still had my hand in a light socket but I assure you no light sockets nearby.  Oh well.

Here's the side view.....not too bad.

The morning hair starts out super curly and wavy and by afternon it is straight due to humidity I guess.
This picture with him sleeping was right before dinner. 

 Here we are riding in the truck around town!!  Whahoo.  Let me add...this is obviuosly on the very paved road so we were going very fast.  I was holding on too much to take pictures while on the bumpy roads.  : )  Melissa is behind me and she and her husband are the missionaries that run the guest house.  (They are awesome).

Hope you enjoyed our pictures!  

Have a blessed day in the Lord!  

New information on Jessica

(See previous post if you don't know who Jessica is) 

    Have you heard me say that we love our orphanage?  See….they love Jesus and children and to us that is a winning combination!  They do not stand for the injustice of children and aren’t willing to back down to those that mistreat minors.  Today…the American director of our orphanage had the Haitian administrator go and talk with the family about this little girl.  Oh my goodness!  That is called putting the light where there is darkness!   It sounds like the conversation was very positive, they were receptive and they know that future follow-up will occur.  For clarification, we were told today that Jessica is not an actual restavec but a family member and it may have not even been her but her older sister. 

     What really matters is that God knows what goes on behind walls and God will always deliver those that cannot protect themselves.  His children are being mistreated all over the world (even in the US) and someone will pay for each one (in this life or the next).  I am proud that our orphanage will stand up against it and is not afraid to shine the light of Jesus in dark places.  May the blood of Jesus cover the children in that household and may the Holy Spirit convict those that are thinking of hurting His children.  May we do our part to shine the light of Jesus and speak up for children that cannot speak up for themselves.  

The worst moment of my life taught me true love.

      “Restavec” is a Haitian word for child slave.  There are many child slaves in Haiti.  There is a known child slave that lives near the guest house that we are staying at this week. I have not seen her but Todd has and he said she is beautiful.  Her name is Jessica. 

     Last night as we returned home after our Embassy trip and our visit with Oberson, we were just getting out of the car when we heard a noise.  We all stopped and the hair stood up on my neck.  It was nothing like I had ever heard. No movie could capture, no book could describe….the sound of a little girl screaming and the sound of a whip ripping her flesh. Her voice cutting through the air begging them to stop and feet on pavement trying to get away.  I instantly started crying and Todd was looking for a way to jump the wall.  Being outsiders there’s nothing we could do and the man that runs the guest house wasn’t home.  We stopped and prayed a hedge of protection and what we could do for this little girl.  We would be willing to pay for her freedom yet know they would just buy another child and the cycle would continue. 

     After praying (and crying) I have come to realize that as much as this moment has brought me heartache and sounds in my head that I cannot erase…..it has also taught me about true love.  Some people question how Oberson’s birth mother could have given him up for adoption.  How could a mother do such a thing?  We don’t know her situation but life in Haiti isn’t like life in the US.  In a country with over 70% unemployment and those that do work make less than $1 a day it is so hard just to live.  One container of water is almost $1 and that isn’t anything else.  You might work a week (if you have a job) just to get rice.  It is crazy expense.  So to have a child and not be able to feed it would be the worst kind of pain I could imagine.  Her options as a mother would be so hard.  How much did she love him?  She loved him enough to give him a future.  She could have sold him….he is a boy.  He would have made good money for her to be honest.  She could have raised him and sold him to be a slave.  She could have had him work to provide for her.  She could have done a lot of things.  Yet, she loved him enough to give him a better life.  She wanted more for him.  That is a mother.  That is loving someone more than yourself.  That is true love. 

     My worst moment with my worst sound that echoes in my mind reminds me of true love in other people.  Yes, there are always evil people in this world.  There are also still wonderful people in this world that love their babies and wonderful people who care for them (like our orphanage).  God loves us all and is always there to redeem and carry us through.  This was never His plan but He came to love us and adopt us so that we can experience His perfect love also!  

Haiti Q & A (and Hair Update)

     So…what’s life like in Haiti?  I’ll tell ‘ya!  Our orphanage (God’s Littlest Angels a/k/a GLA) is located high up in the mountains so it is very different than any other part of Haiti than we have been in before.  We typically are in Carrefour which is about sea level.  We are about 3600 elevation now. Yesterday we visited the new orphanage being built at Fort Jacques which is at 4500 elevation.  It was breathtaking.

     What is the Guest House Like? It doesn’t seem like Haiti!!! It has 5 main bedrooms all with multiple bunk beds in each room.  Our room has 3 bunk beds.  We have a huge breakfast each morning served at 7:30 sharp.  Today was freshly squeezed orange juice (amazing) with pancakes and fruit (bananas, pineapple, mango, watermelon are served at each meal).  I used a Keurig for our coffee.  We have hot showers but they are very short (water off while you wash, etc).  We do have wifi too.  The best part is the open balcony that has amazing views!!  There are two women that work here and do the dishes after breakfast and then have dinner ready when we return each evening. It is served at 6:00 sharp each night.  They clean all day and do the laundry and then have dinner ready and do the dishes afterwards.  We are spoiled for sure. 

·         Funny story:  I looked at the bunk beds and asked Todd to sleep with me the first night.  He laughed.  I was serious.  I told him I would sleep better with him.  Again, he laughed.  About 4:00 in the morning I hear footsteps and here comes my man…yep, we shared! : )  We don’t share each night but we are on two bottom bunks.  It’s different for sure.   

     What is the best part? That would be when we went to pick Oberson up from the nursery and he got excited to see us, smiled and reached for us!  Pretty awesome!  He is starting to recognize us and get excited to see us.  He will walk away from us and play with his friends and then after a few minutes will turn, see us, smile big, run to us and throw himself into our arms.  The best feeling ever!  Doesn’t happen every time but it is incredible!

      What is the hardest? When we have to take him back to the nursery.  He didn’t want to go back this evening and we watched him get put into his crib and just sit quietly and watch us walk away. It broke my heart. 

      What is the most difficult: Ha!  that would be me trying to be respectful and eat whatever they prepared and yet remain the incredibly picky eater that I am!  Seriously!  Go ahead and laugh!  I haven’t even asked what meat I have been eating because I really didn’t want to know. It has been good.  Last night was pumpkin soup with cabbage, potatoes, carrots and meat.  I ate everything but the cabbage (I dumped it into Todd’s bowl when he went to get more bread….don’t tell him).  Today we had chili (I hate chili) but I added enough cheese and sour cream that it was good. : )  The fruit is amazing so that is awesome!  Breakfast is awesome!  I haven’t eaten goat on this trip….that I know of!  Again….I’m not asking so I don’t know!  The flavors are great but new flavors, new foods and nerves….not a good combo. They have a good mix of American and Haitian food. 

      Now for the hair….dom.dom.dom:  Oh. My. Goodness!  Yeah well, I should have just packed another pair of cute shoes for the waste of space for all my ‘girly get-ready-things”.  No hair dryers actually means no hair dryers.  Hum.  And they don’t allow curling irons or straightening irons either!  Actually when I laughed about the no hair dryers and then tried to make a joke about the curling iron I was quicky told (in a non-laughing manner) that curling irons were not allowed!  With this heat and humidity I have curls I didn’t know I have and frizz that is a conversation starter.  My poof matches the little poof balls they put on the top of the little baby girl’s heads.  Nice.  Oh well. The nannies just look at me and start yapping in Creole so fast.  I wish I knew what they were saying.  : )  (many of you have said my hair looks nice in the pictures….first of all “Thank you”. Secondly, I have the ability to take 500 pictures and pick the 1 that I like.  You may never see the other 499 and my poof ball.  Maybe one day I will post one just to laugh.)

      Have you done anything crazy?  Yes!  They have huge trucks and we rode on the back standing up and just holding on as we drove all around town today.  We were way above the top of the cab of the truck.  It was crazy.  We were holding onto the cage and standing on the seats instead of sitting down.  It was so much easier to stand instead of sitting since the roads were so bumpy.  We just had to duck for wires and branches vs break your tailbone with all the bumps.  Those that have been in Haiti will understand.  My mother would have mortified had she seen me.  I thought it was cool!  On good roads we went pretty darn fast!!  Some people were taking pictures…I was holding on for my life!  Haha!

     My thoughts on Oberson:  Just like any parent, we think he is the cutest and smartest little guy ever.  His life (like every other orphan) is mainly lived in a nursery with a nanny. He has a volunteer that takes him each day to the balcony for individual time/attention for 1 hour a day.  While we are here, he is with us for 6 hours a day.  Right off the bat to say that is a change in his routine is an understatement.  We can already see how much he has changed just in one week…..on SO many levels.  Of course, in the beginning he didn’t know us.  As the hours and days have progressed he has gotten more comfortable with us. He has also learned more things and began to trust us more….in just days!!  He is learning our voices and will turn when he hears us call his name.  He will giggle when we chase him, laugh when we tickle him and listen (half of the time) when we tell him No! : )  What we have found amazing is how he has responded to one on one attention.  He isn’t used to that you can tell.  His time on the balcony has been free play for the most part but with us we are working with him to do things each day.  Each time together we have worked with a new concept/toy and it has been amazing to watch his thought process/development as he must figure it out.  Some he enjoys more than others.  Haha!  He loves balls and loves one we brought more than anything else. He carries it in his hand all the time and cries if he drops it or someone takes it away.

     Trust:  building that trust has been hard of course.  He still has bonded with me in a way he hasn’t with Todd but again that is normal considering all of his nannies are female.  Do I think we are bonded for life?  Of course not!  A bond is a person who can be trusted because they meet a need.  Then after that bond is reinforced over time an attachment is formed.  He comes to both of us now for play, comfort when scared and for most things (bottle, hold hands, etc).  But he is beginning to trust me more and more.  We experienced this yesterday for the first time.  He has fallen asleep on us but not in the traditional way we are used to in America.  He will not face us and cuddle or put a head on a shoulder.  He is not used to a comfort hold like that.  He wouldn’t let himself relax or anyone to get that close.  Yesterday…he did!  He snuggled with me and went to sleep in my arms!  It was a big step and showed that he is really beginning to bring down those walls and trust us on new levels. 

     What will happen now?  On Friday we had our first of two interviews.  Monday we will go to the Embassy and we will have our second interview sometime this coming week.  The rest of the week will be filled with time with Oberson.  Our sermon today was from none other than a good ‘ole GA boy Andy Stanley and was on worry (a video of course).  It spoke so much to me as I have been pretty worried about leaving Oberson.  I have seen his life, I see where he spends his days and I have no desire to leave him here.  I must trust God, trust His plan and not worry about tomorrow.  I ask you to pray for us.  Pray that we have a good last week together and that God would protect Oberson’s heart.  As he begins to trust us we need to protect him as we leave.  May our Lord hold him when we cannot and protect his heart. 

Daddy Time...

     Yesterday was a full day and we went to bed exhausted but with full hearts!  We spent almost the entire day with Oberson and then ended our day talking with Ashley and Travis via Facetime…..our hearts are full!  I was too tired to update. I wrote this blog this morning but didn’t get it uploaded before it was time to leave.  Now Oberson is with his nanny for lunch/napso I will update quickly to give you an idea of what happened yesterday and share some prayer requests for our prayer warriors out there! (Thank you to those praying….we need them and we feel them!  This is emotional which is exhausting and your prayers are greatly appreciated!)

     The orphanage is filled with women so Oberson has not had a lot of experience with men, especially white men.  It is common (and we expected) that the bonding with daddy would be more difficult.  It has proven to be the case with us.  Yesterday we began to concentrate on forming that relationship.  Todd has the patience needed and has been amazing with Oberson.  He just played and played with him, being very consistent yet not pushing throughout the day.  We took time away from all of the other children and went to a room with just the three of us for awhile.  Oberson let Todd hold him and we read books and played with toys.  He was able to see me yet allowed Todd to hold him (huge).  For the first part of the day he would come back to me every so often for reassurance but by the end of the day they would play and I could remain out of the way.  Todd still cannot kiss or hug him though as he pushes back and gets upset. It will come.  It is only day two.  Todd is longing to hold him though and aches to kiss him like I can.  That would be one of our main prayer wishes that you pray for their bond. 

     It was a wonderful day!  We played on the balcony for hours.  We went for a long walk on the roads surrounding the orphanage.  We pushed him in the swings, read books, played balls (his favorite) and cars.  This morning we have had a blow-up bouncy house out and it was a blast!  We had lots of fun and then he fell asleep on Todd!  Yay!  Progress!  God is SO good!    

     Please continue to pray for all of our bonding and for Ashley and Travis.  They are doing well but seemed a little on the sad side last night.  It’s getting real and we have a long time to go yet.  Thank you so much friends!  Your support is overwhelming!! We are overwhelmed….this whole process is amazing yet overwhelming too!  Love you all!

     I’ll leave you with some pictures so we can go see our SON!  : )

Don't you love the view from the balcony! 

The beginnings….Day 1

           My heart is full.  I hardly know how to put what we experienced today into words but I know I must try as so many of you have sent messages asking how it went.  Thank you for the prayers and love!

           This afternoon we walked into the balcony of God’s Littlest Angels to see our son.  He was sitting on a bench just like a big boy except the look on his face showed confusion and apprehension.  This was a room usually filled with friends and laughter and now it was quiet with strangers walking in the door.  He sat in the cutest outfit and looked so adorable that I wanted to grab him immediately but refrained so I didn’t scare him.  I sat in front of him and started to talk to him.  Of course all the Creole I practiced was lost (he speaks no English) which means we didn’t understand a word each other was saying.  But God was knitting our hearts together. 

           We got out some toys and he loved the balls we brought.  The cars aren’t too bad either but the balls are definitely the favorite.  He never let the one go the rest of the day.  He warmed up to me the most but I think he is more familiar with women than men.  After playing with ‘daddy’ for awhile he warmed up to him also.  We had about a half hour of time alone together before other volunteers and children joined us for play.  It was a chance to see him interact with other children too. 

           All in all for our first meeting it went very well.  He never cried or anything like that. He allowed us to hold and carry him.  We tickled, chased, played ball and just played toys. I changed his diaper and did all the mom things for awhile. 

           And I didn’t even cry until I had to return him to the nursery!  That’s pretty darn good for me!  : )  Then I boo-hoo’d!  I’m exhausted now but already counting the hours until we can get him tomorrow.  We’ll see if he comes to us in the morning. 

          Here are a few pics from today.