Here I sit on a balcony on a beautiful sunny
afternoon with the island breeze blowing the palm and banana trees all around
us. We can hear the children playing
next door, the occasional horn blow, and rooster but otherwise just the rustling of leaves
blowing in the wind. The sun shines in abundance yet it isn’t hot or unbearably
humid but comfortable and perfect. I have
a headache and I wondered why? It seems
to be perfect so why would I have a headache?
Could it be that while I sit here I am still surrounded by poverty?
Could it be that on this mountain there are countless (countless) people that
may not eat dinner tonight? It’s mindblowing.
That doesn’t even begin the
touch the turmoil going on in my heart.
Oh my heart. Todd and I began
this week more in love with a little boy than I really thought possible. Yes, we knew he was our son. But how would we feel when we saw him that
first time? Those first few days? What would our connection be like? Let me tell you…..he has captured our
hearts! We have watched him grow and
transform right in front of us and it is amazing. Just these two weeks he has already begun to
open up and trust us, he has started walking much better, gotten better with
his fine motor skills and started making eye contact and physical contact with
us.
So where does the ugly part
of this story come in? Being the
analytical people that we are (haha) Todd and I had decided that these last few
days with Oberson we were going to start to step back. We were going to be ‘glorified play partners’
if you could call it that. We wanted the
transition for him to be easier. A two
week trip (required by the Haitian government) is new and seems like it could be
incredibly hard on the children. We have
watched him come out of his shell and we don’t want to see him retreat back
into it again for the next 7-9 months until we can bring him home. But guess what? That isn’t what Oberson had in mind! : ) He
has decided that he doesn’t like that plan!
He has opened up, trusted us more, sat in our laps, given us kisses/hugs
and started talking all in these last two days.
Oh.My.Goodness! Be still my soul! First he started saying Hi and we were the
excited new parents taking video and being all crazy. Then he started giving a high 5. (yep, same reaction). Today he started saying ‘da-da’. (you can only imagine!).
What do we do from
here? There’s no telling this sweet boy
who has decided to open his heart that we are leaving. There’s no explaining it to him. He won’t understand. Yes we know children are incredibly resilient
and that he doesn’t understand time….but we do.
We will know every single day we are apart. Oh my.
We have two hours with him
this afternoon (Friday), 3.5 hours with him on Saturday and 1.5 hours with him
on Sunday (starting to break down the time) and that will be the end of our
time with him until we return to bring him home.
I’m starting to pull out the
ugly cry every time I drop him off. It’s
not getting better. The beauty around me
isn’t helping. How many times have I
said “my God will carry me though” and “my journey is hard” well yes my journey
is hard and I will be waiting but the journey is hard for our son too! He has no choice and that is hard to
accept. Children in orphanages (even
ones getting great care like ours) are still in orphanages. Many are in situations much worse. Jesus please take care of these babies when
we cannot!! Pray for us friends….we are surrounded
by beauty but it’s getting ugly.
